Barko Polo
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: If you're going to explore the Nexus, it's a good idea to have good company.


**Barko Polo**

"Hail, Li-Li Stormstout. Explorer of the Nexus, and Provider of the 1000 Cups."

"What?"

"Also a dragon ability that she never uses."

"Um…sure. Whatever floats your sea turtle."

Silence lingered at the base of the Raven Tower, and it wasn't the type of silence that Li-Li liked. True, there were worse silences in the world, like the silence before the battle. Granted, that silence was usually broken by heroes making wise cracks and a realm lord counting down to the gates opening, but still, silence like that was bad. But what was worse than that silence was the silence of awkwardness. Like when she asked Raynor and Kerrigan when they were going to have children, or asked Auriel if she was ever going to show her face, or asked Tracer about getting a boyfriend, or-

"Li-Li?"

"Oh, yeah. Sure."

The pandaren followed the old woman around the base of the Raven Tower. Uncle Chen had always told her to respect her elders, but still, she was old and ugly, and it was really, really hard to respect her at all. Besides, if she was expected to respect her elders, didn't that mean she had to give respect to, like, anyone older than her? She could respect people like Tyrael, sure, but what about those like Diablo or Mal'ganis? They were pretty old, and they were both absolute pricks. And that was to say nothing of the realm lords who decided to pluck her from everyday life every so often and dump her into a battle for shits and giggles. Did she have to respect _them_?

She didn't know. Uncle Chen avoided the subject. She'd tried talking to Murky about it as well, but that devolved into a conversation about existentialism that she just couldn't keep up with. Still, while she had little respect for the Raven Lord, she understood that the old geyser had been dethroned. Like, not Arthas-style dethroned, or Kerrigan-style dethroned, but still, dethroned. And from what she understood, the newcomer was a girl not much older than she was.

"Ah, Li Li. I see Neeve has done a good job in escorting you."

Li-Li managed to keep her mouth shut as her brain processed the facts in front of her. On this side of the tower there was a pavilion with a table under it. Surrounding the pavilion were a whole bunch of mean looking knights that she'd usually fight against on a normal day. Sitting at the table was a white-haired human girl that she guessed was the new realm lord of the Raven Court. But most important of all, the table had-

"Zomighosh, is that food?!"

Li-Li ran forward, plopping herself at the table. There were only two chairs – one for the girl, one for her. Or least she assumed that. Either way, she began scoffing down the cakes, biscuits, and even tried a sandwich. Uncle Chen told her that she had to eat healthy after all.

"My lady, this is-"

"Leave us Neeve," the girl at the table said.

"But the panda girl-"

"Is my guest, and shall be given all due courtesy."

The one called Neeve muttered something that Li Li couldn't make out. It probably wasn't important anyway.

"So," said the girl at the table. "I see you're enjoying the food."

"Likunoideiluvie."

"What?"

Li Li finished the chocolate éclair and picked up a strawberry tart. "Like you have no idea – I love it."

"Oh. That's good to know."

Li Li took a bite of the tart. One bite, followed by a lot more.

"Idgretituye."

"That's…good to know," said the girl. "Shall I talk while you eat?"

"Sure!" Li Li exclaimed before taking a slice of caramel cake. She looked at the girl. "You want some?"

"I'm fine, thank-"

"Great!" Li Li shoved the cake in. She kept chewing as the girl opposite her cleared her throat and began to talk.

"I am Orphea. Realm lord of Raven Court-"

"Shouldn't that be realm lady?" Li Li asked. "I mean, you're a girl, and I'm a girl, and some people from some dimensions say that gender labels are perpetuating stereotypes and continuing a system of oppression that-"

"Realm _lady_, of the Raven Court," Orphea continued. "Also a hero sometimes."

"A hero?" Li Li asked.

"Yes. At times I take to the field of battle."

"Oh. That's weird. Never seen you."

"Well to be frank Li Li, I haven't seen much of you either."

Li scoffed, folding her arms and smudging her dress with chocolate in the process. "It's all the fancy smancy new heroes. Some realm lords think I'm not sophisticated enough."

"Really," Orphea murmured as Li Li grabbed a brownie. "Can't imagine why."

"Yeah. I know, right?" the pandaren asked in-between brownie mouthfuls. "I mean, what gives? You'd think that-"

"What I think, Li Li, is that you might be the person I'm looking for," Orphea said.

Li Li didn't say anything. Granted, she'd started eating a second brownie, but still, manners dictated that she be quiet at this point. After all, manners were important, and she'd be rude like some of the other people she'd met here.

"You're rarely called to the field of battle, but from what I understand, you spend a lot of time exploring the Nexus," Orphea said.

"Yeah, pretty much." Li Li let out a burp and leant back in her chair.

"I can admire that," Orphea said. "Do you know in the thousands of years that the Nexus has existed, no-one has ever properly charted it?"

Li Li shrugged before grabbing a lamington. Her stomach was saying "no" to more food, but her tongue was yelling "gimme gimme gimme!"

"Some say it would be a wasteful task," Orphea continued. "The Storm is ever shifting after all, as new worlds are constantly dragged into its domain."

"Oh, like Azeroth?" Li Li asked.

"What?"

"Y'know, like Azeroth. Seems like every few years there's a new continent, or a new race, or-"

"The point being, I am not the realm lord...sorry, lady, my father was," Orphea said. "I intend to be different, in both my rule and ideals. I believe it is time to focus on what unites us rather than what divides us."

Li Li snorted. "Good luck with that. The heroes can't even get along, what makes you think the realm lords will?" She popped some chocolate gum drops in her mouth.

"One can ever live in hope," Orphea said before taking a corned beef sandwich, eating at it daintily. "One can aspire to improve oneself."

Li Li grabbed half of the gum drops in one go and shoved them in.

"So to this end, I have contacted the greatest explorer in the Nexus," Orphea said, putting half the sandwich on a plate beside her and wiping her mouth. "I wish you to travel with him. To chart the Nexus."

"Sounds easy princess. When do I get to meet him?"

"I'm not a…" Orphea sighed. "Fine. You can meet him now." She clapped her hands. Nothing happened.

"Um…" Li Li said.

"I said, _you can meet him now_." She clapped her hands again.

"So, like, is he meant to just appear, or come walking into the pavilion?" Li Li asked. She started eating the rest of the gum drops.

"He should…" Orphea sighed. "Barko, come here!"

There was the sound of dog barking and Li Li smirked. "Woke the dogs Orphea."

"Good. That was the idea."

"What?"

"Behold," Orphea said, gesturing towards the thing bounding up to them. "Barko Polo."

Li Li's eyes got wider than the eye of the Maelstrom. There was a dog bounding up to the table. A cute, furry, slobbering, lovable dog.

"Li Li, this is-"

"Zomighosh, he's so cute!" Li Li exclaimed. She jumped out of the chair and began rubbing Barko's fur. "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"

"Li Li," Orphea said sternly. "I should tell you-"

"Can I keep him?" Li Li asked.

"What? No!"

"_Please?"_

"Li-Li, Barko is a famous explorer. He isn't owned by anyone."

The dog let out a bark.

"See?"

"Um…do you speak Dog, Orphea?"

"What? No, of course not. I speak Canine."

"There's a difference?"

"It's subtle, but it's there," Orphea said, taking another bite out of her sandwich. "But that's irrelevant. The question is whether you're willing to undertake this quest or not? Because Barko is? Aren't you Barko?" She gave his belly a rub.

Li Li rubbed her belly as well – she wasn't feeling too good. Nevertheless, she said, "let's say I do take a quest. What's in it for me?"

"Ten-thousand gold," Orphea said. "Two-thousand up front, eight-thousand upon return. Plus a lootbox if I deem your work exemplary."

"Fine," said Li Li. "I'll take it."

"Excellent," Orphea said, finishing her sandwich and again rubbing her mouth. "Now I can…Li Li?"

"Huh?"

"Are you alright? You don't look too good."

"Yeah…fine…" the pandaren whispered. "Just…my tummy's feeling funny."

"Really," Orphea said, leaning back in her chair. "Can't imagine why."

"Yeah, I think…excuse me…"

Li Li didn't hear whether Orphea excused her or not.

She was too busy puking her guts out onto the grass.


End file.
